This was a recent submission to my Q&A email file: “Brigitte – do you believe in soulmates?”
It surprised me that an immediate yes or no answer didn’t come into my mind when I read the question. I thought I knew how I felt about these things.
Wikipedia defines “soulmates”:
“Soulmate is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility.
A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one’s soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join. “
That first kind of soulmate, “someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility.”… that kind of soulmate is real, I know it without a doubt.
But the second part of Wikipedia’s definition is different. And this is the idea that many people think of when they hear the world “soulmate”: the belief that there is one specific person on the entire earth meant for each of us to find, a person who will make us feel happy and complete and relieved of questions. For those who believe in this kind of soulmate, waiting for this satisfaction and trying to recognize this person can become a burden.
Understandably, this idea can make us a little panicky. We don’t trust ourselves when it comes to identifying a soulmate. We’re disappointed and concerned when the feelings aren’t obvious and easy. We fear we’ve already screwed something up. Maybe we use the noble idea of love as a kind of blanket to justify and hide selfish decisions. It’s an impossible amount of pressure for a human to bear.
What I would hope for everyone is that finding a “soulmate” would feel like an unraveling of knots, a pleasant pull of gravity… not a burden. I love thinking about this stuff, but when the idea feels heavy or tight, I try to stop thinking about it. Because I think that’s a sign I’m doing it wrong.
Do you have a question you’d like me to answer on my blog? Send it to me at brigdale@gmail.com , and be sure to put Q&A in the subject line
The romantic in me wants to believe that soulmates exist. That one day I’ll have that “Before Sunrise” experience and really connect with someone. I try to keep the faith about it and not overanalyze it too much. If I do I start to think about it too much I worry that maybe I already met mine but let the opportunity pass.
I don’t believe in the latter half. One person in the whole world? It’s crazy. We all have the ability to fall in love with loads and loads of people, and many of us have.
Great post! This is something that I have been thinking alot about recently. I definitely believe that every person can have a soulmate, but I wouldn’t say that it’s just one specific person. But it’s not just anybody either. If your lucky you may just happen upon that person but I think usually it’s something you have to keep an eye open for and work at.
I hope I find my soulmate one day! It kind of gives me hope I guess. I know I can’t just assume a certain female is automatically my soulmate. I’d have to wait and find out. Waiting is all I do anyways haha.
In divine or idealist sense I guess there is the possibility that since humans are given the capacity to love, then whoever-is-up-there should likewise grant us someone with whom we can give and receive love to the highest degree — “someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility.”
But if purely on realist, rational grounds, the existence of a soulmate has no basis for argument.
Regardless, I still believe that there has to be greater meaning to life and love — and thus that it is a matter of chance whether we find someone we can consider as our soulmate.
Absolutely. nuff said..
When two people serve and honor one another without expectations, as Christ loves “the Church”, soulmates can be. Yes people who share like interests, mutual affinities and similar passions may recognize their true life partners if they are spiritually awake at their moments of contact. I have, in the last few months, reconnected with my true love after many years leading separate lives. It is unbelievable how good a God we choose to serve. My soulmate…without question.
I should not have been so surprised at your quite, I thought, deeply thought-out comments, though you have been doing Hollywood video of late, & I liked your older written efforts so much.
That said, comments preceding mine are good & I must agree. Sure, fantasize about soul-mates, but nature gave us sexual attraction instead, and we have to learn to cope with the down-side. (since none of us is perfect)…
The paragraph beginning “Understandably …” is particularly interesting, possibly personally telling, and maybe you would like to read and contemplate your own words. Or not. How big a difference/similarity is important? Can’t find my manual. Good luck. C.R.
I agree with you, what i believe is that there is one and only one soulmate in this world, maybe two or three that can love you and make you happy, but i think we have only 1 soulmate, BUT when i don’t agree that we have to recognize the soulmate , when you meet your soulmate you just know that it is your other half, this is my theory BUT maybe some people don’t recognize it at the very first time, i’m only one person even if i have multiple personalities so i can’t tell jk )) i like the idea that it is a pull of gravity, oh another thing that i believe in is that thoes two souls can feel sometimes what the other person feels (when it is a ‘big happines’ or a ‘big sadness’) it’s like a very powerful wifi)) and when the person if away from his other half, they are always toghether wherever they can be hope for you people that when you’ll find your other half it will be forever! ))
I thought only shoes have soulmates?
But seriously, I reckon whether or not you have found your soulmate is not an instant thing like ‘love at first sight’. For example, an arranged marriage (especially those in poorer countries) normally starts with the couple not on the best of terms. But as the years go by, whether by necessity or destiny, they would become inseparable and hence soulmates.
It’s a difficult question for me. Because believing in soulmates implies you also believe in destiny, right? Which itself might tie into some religious thoughts (or not), but that’s all a different topic I suppose.
To be honest I’ve always believed in soulmates, since primary school if you can believe it, just not in the “one person in the world” version of it. But in life you’ll definitely meet one or more people who could be defined as soulmates, people who feel so close together. However, if that means you’re supposed to end up together and live happily ever after, to me, is a different story. Because soulmates also make great friends, and it’s all up to you what kind of label you want to give it.
Over time people change, and some of their opinions, priorities and beliefs might change with them. I’ve already said that I do believe in soulmates, but I do not believe we should wait around til we meet/find them, just live our lifes and be happy. In the end soulmate is just a word, as long as you find someone who makes you happy that’s the important thing right?
Regarding destiny, which I brought up myself, it’s a difficult one. Because I don’t believe all of our life is planned out for us, but I do believe we are given choices* in life, and it’s up to us if we take the right ones. But that’s a whole different topic that we can save for some other day.
*choices may vary per person.
ask my dog -she’s always right on the button.
To search for a soulmate is an entirely natural compulsion I believe, there’s a hunger inside us that searches after relationship. Like James Knauff, I agree that this is a God given thing. I believe whether we know it or not, our search points us in the direction of God because we’re in search of perfection, we desire what is beautiful, it’s why we love to stand in the sunshine in the middle of a forest and listen to the sound of a crystal clear river. God in His relationship between the Son and the Holy Spirit is that perfect example of relationship, perfectly loving and consequently I think the only fully complete soul satisfaction can be found in God.
But a relationship between a man and a woman can be a beautiful thing as well. I believe we catch a glimpse of God in a good and right and loving relationship, we get a taste of what our soul longs for and that is a great thing, something to be cherished, nurtured, fought for even, when it comes along.
Oh, and get well soon Brigitte.
I think it’s a great short-hand for a profound relationship, but mis-used to connotate that someone has “found” their soulmate. No one can find a soulmate; it’s an intimacy you build with another person over a lifetime.
I do believe in the idea of a soulmate, in both senses of the word that you just described…I’m just having an impossible time looking for my own soulmate myself; where ever she may be, she just doesn’t seem to be within my reach
and I hope your throat feels better soon.
By the way Brigitte, the pic of you w/ the Wizard of Oz tree is adorable
I believe in the idea of a soulmate. But I also believe that 90% of people will never find theirs
I just think the world is such a big place… that the odds of your small-town, high-school sweetheart really being “the one” are nearly impossible.
Someone born in Detroit could have a soulmate in Belgium. Someone else born in Long Beach could have a soulmate in Warsaw. I think that’s why I have such a fascination with travel – not strictly related to soulmates, but just rare people. You never know what stranger is going to inspire something great in you.
Isn’t it an amazing coincidence that out of all the hundreds of languages in the world our “soulmates” always happen to speak the same language as us? Seriously, what are the odds of that?
I absolutely believe in a soulmate!
Also that no one will ever find the one!
Soulmates?
Nope. Love is work. Everything is work apparently. Which sucks because I’m really lazy.
It’s like a tower. You have to grunt and sweat and cuss and think and analyze in order to build the tower. Then have you have climb all the way to the top. Only once you’re there do you get to “fall” off of it,floating on the wings of fate that you yourself actually built.
As usual, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
[...] Here’s a link to my post on soulmates [...]
When I found my soulmate I kind of knew but wasn’t sure at first but I think it was best not to think in those terms and just let things happen. Being with her was and is just easy. We are totally ourselves with each other. We can pick our nose if we need to in front of each other and be in the bathroom when one is sitting on the can.
We have many interests and hobbies that are different but our core outlook on life is the same. You know the idea of absolution. The forgiveness of all your sins. That is what it is like. I don’t have to be ashamed of any part of me. I can be totally be my crazy self and that’s just right. Communication and honesty is the key and with that understanding and forgiveness. They say “no man is complete until he’s married and then he’s finished!” 
The most logical answer, is that humans were genectically designed to experience more than one emotion. So in that sense if you look for the good in someone you will find good and if you look for the bad you will find the bad, meaning that we orchastrate the perceptions of others by our actions , with that meaning, that you can be convinced to be happy. So smile, it ups the odds, just not at Bingo!!!
I’d like to think if the second definition were true you wouldn’t have to worry about finding your soul mate. But what do I know.
Off to go vote.
Most people probably have multiple soul mates (the weaker definition). The key is not to get married until one has found one, or is willing to settle for one’s current partner, and treat that person *as* a soul mate.
Good luck with the contest — you’re the quintessential Good Mood blogger. Like a smart, thoughtful — but equally fun — version of the Penny character from Big Bang Theory
I didn’t, but then actually found him a few months ago. And lost him again because he was already in a relationship. I knew instantly we were of the same soul but we could not be. That’s reassuring and wholly terrifying at the same time.
I can’t figure out how else to ask a question in the q&a section, so I’m asking it here:
Do you recommend taking sam-e on a regular basis? My mom used to take it but stopped cold turkey a few years ago. Just curious if it’s something you’re into.
Thanks!
I believe in soul families (friends), and soul mates – but not that there’s only ONE in life and you’re doomed if you don’t find that person. If you’re at a point in your journey where you’re doing what you love, you’re growing, you’re discovering and learning about the world and yourself, no matter how old you are – basically, if you’re fulfilled yet still curious, and if you’re social, then there’s a good chance you’ll meet others who you will feel a crazy affinity with and who you can walk with along your journey for a while, even if it’s not forever. That’s my definition of a soulmate. Someone you have so much fun with and you’re so comfortable with, and you can be creative with.
Another topic that comes to mind is John Mayer’s idea of “sexual napalm.” Someone that you connect with sexually so much that they make you want to quit the rest of your life in order to pursue them, even if you know they’re bad for you. If you haven’t heard, he basically did an interview in Playboy, and said some racist things and some things just for shock value, and and then apologized onstage afterward and cried. But anyway, I wonder if those type of people mistake each other for soulmates sometimes, and then just make each other miserable.
Finding or attracting a soulamte into your life is a great goal for many people. Many people ask, ‘ how do I find my soulmate?’
Sometimes, people come unstuck if they confuse a ‘clone’ of themselves with soulmate.
If a person has all the same personality traits as you, are they completely aligned or a clone? Food for thought.
A soulmate should compliment and enhance you. Not necessarily be the same as you.
i very enjoy your writing taste, very attractive,
don’t give up and keep penning as a result it simply just worth to look through it.
looking forward to view even more of your own stories, have a great day